Now and Then Read online

  A middle-aged man was sprawled on a couch, engrossed in a paperback, when they entered the large game room. Cole followed his parents to a sitting area at the other end of the room, where he sat down next to his Dad on a loveseat.

  “You look good, Shay.” Cole heard relief in his Mom’s words. She reached from her chair over to Shay’s and stroked a hand over her hair. Shay studied Cole impassively.

  “Do you still play football?” she asked.

  “Sometimes, but not as much anymore,” he said.

  “I remember watching your games,” she said.

  “Yeah, I liked football, but it was really hard on my body. Now I mostly just run and lift weights.”

  A few seconds of silence stretched, and Cole looked around the room. Two people had wandered in and taken up a table tennis game, and one of them was getting agitated.

  “Shay, do you remember Emma Carson, from across the street back home? She’s Cole’s girlfriend now,” their Mom said. Shay shook her head.

  “She’s an artist,” Cole said. “She paints and draws and sculpts. Maybe I’ll bring her with me next time I come visit.”

  Shay smiled for the first time since they’d arrived.

  “Yeah, that sounds nice,” she said.

  Their parents chattered about the weather and national news, trying to fill the silence. Cole watched Shay, who was studying her hands in her lap. She rubbed the thumb of one hand across her other palm rhythmically.

  What’s she thinking about? Is she glad we’re here, or is she uncomfortable? Does she ever get to leave this place?

  “Shay, can I take a picture of you with Mom and Dad?” Cole asked, taking out his phone.

  “Sure,” she said, shrugging. The three of them stood and smiled, and Cole couldn’t help noticing how happy his Mom was. He knew she struggled with Shay being so far away, and with not knowing how she was doing all the time. But this place specialized in treating people with schizophrenia, and she seemed to have accepted it.

  He felt a sudden urge to ask his Mom if it was hard to let go of the dreams she’d had for Shay, and replace them with new ones. Whether she worried every day about her only daughter.

  “I’ll take one of you two,” his Mom said, taking the phone from Cole. He put an arm around Shay and smiled, reminding himself that the tears in his mother’s eyes were happy.

  Chapter 19

  It was strange to be driving a car again, Emma thought as she turned onto her parents’ street in Cole’s navy blue sedan. He’d insisted she drive it while he was in Indianapolis, and though she was used to taking the train everywhere, it had been nice to leave her house when she’d wanted to, instead of having to meet a train schedule.

  Layla’s little red car was parked in the driveway, and Emma considered just driving past the house and skipping this. Seeing her sister sounded painful right now. But she knew her parents were expecting her, so she swung into the driveway and parked behind Layla.

  The house was quiet when Emma walked in, and she smiled when Layla’s dog Prince greeted her with a wagging tail.

  “Hey, Prince,” she said, bending to rub his ears as he sniffed her thoroughly. “Do you smell Vincent on me? Do you like cats, Princey?”

  She held her breath as footsteps clicked her way, knowing it had to be Layla’s heels.

  “You traitor!” Layla chastised her dog and he looked at her with a guilty face, trotting to her side immediately.

  “He’s a dog, Layla,” Emma muttered, standing up.

  “I didn’t know you were coming,” Layla said, eyes narrowed.

  “It’s Christmas Eve, where else would I go?”

  “Is your boyfriend joining us?”

  “No.” Emma walked past her sister swiftly.

  Do not give in to her. She’ll try to bait you into a fight. Don’t fall for it.

  “Emma! Merry Christmas Eve!” her Mom said cheerfully when she walked into the family room. Her Dad looked up from the newspaper he was reading, checking his watch.

  “Was I supposed to pick you up at the train station?” he asked, concerned.

  “No, I drove,” Emma said, sitting down next to him on the couch.

  “Did you get a car?” he asked.

  “No, I drove Cole’s car. He went somewhere with his parents for Christmas.”

  “I heard about you and him,” he said, lowering the newspaper and patting her knee affectionately. “I think it’s fantastic.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “You’ve always liked her better,” Layla said in an icy tone from the kitchen.

  “What did you say?” their Dad asked, his mouth falling open as he turned to look at Layla.

  “You always preferred her!” Layla stormed into the room. “You always go on and on about how she’s such a ‘talented artist’ and how ‘independent’ she is! It’s bullshit! I went to law school and you act like it’s nothing! Of course you’re happy she got Cole – she’s your favorite!”

  “Layla!” their Mom said, eyes wide with shock.

  “This has nothing to do with Dad,” Emma said angrily, rising from the couch.

  “You’re right! It has more to do with you being a backstabbing, slutty bitch!” Layla yelled, moving closer. “You knew I wanted him – you knew it, Emma, and that’s the only reason you’re into him!”

  “That has nothing to go with it!” Emma yelled back. “I didn’t want to be with him at first, because I knew you’d go crazy over it!”

  “If I’m crazy, it’s because you betrayed me! My own fucking sister! I would never do that to you!”

  “Girls!” Their mother held up her hands, trying to get their attention, but it was no use. Emma covered the distance between her and Layla, her fury growing stronger with every step.

  “You would’ve done worse to me, Layla!” she said. “You have done worse! Lying about sleeping with Cole--”

  “I was 17, Emma!”

  “I don’t care how old you were, it was a lie you calculated to be mean and hurtful. And it did hurt, Layla!” Emma’s voice wavered as she fought tears. “That lie almost came between me and Cole.”

  “Oh my fucking God, I am not listening to your ‘me and Cole’ bullshit!” Layla raged.

  “You’re just bitter because I have something you don’t! Why can’t you be happy for me?”

  “Happy that you stole the guy you knew I wanted?”

  “Now, girls!” their mother raised her voice, trying to stand between them.

  “Oh, get over yourself, Layla!” Emma yelled. “You wanted him while you were dating several other guys -- and fucking some of them! You want to be the girl who gets around and wants to get married, and you can’t be both.”

  “Gets around? Are you calling me a slut?” Layla’s voice was cool and measured.

  “Well, if the platform stripper heel fits …” Emma said coldly.

  “You bitch!” Layla flew at her and Emma gasped as a handful of her hair was jerked so hard it felt like it had been pulled out. She pushed back at her sister, trying to get free from the hands that were clawing at her.

  “Alright, that’s IT!” their father yelled, pushing them apart. “We did not raise you to behave this way! Certainly not in our home on Christmas Eve when your mother worked very hard to make a nice dinner.”

  Emma hung her head.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, adding, “Mom and Dad.” She didn’t want Layla to think she was getting an apology.

  “Me, too.” Layla sniffed. “But Mom, you know how upset I am about all this. I shouldn’t have to spend Christmas Eve with her. It’s not fair. She has other people to be with, apparently, and that’s where she should be.”

  “Layla …” their Mom started.

  “No, it’s fine,” Emma said, raising a hand. “I’ll go. I really am sorry, you guys.”

  “You aren’t going anywhere,” their Mom said sternly. “It’s Christmas Eve and no member of this family will be excluded. Layla, you need to accept that Emma and Cole are together.
You’ll regret it forever if you let this come between you and your sister.”

  Layla scoffed, crossing her arms and looking away.

  “You know what, Layla?” Emma said, her voice strained with tears. “It’s not even that you want him, it’s that you don’t want me to have him. You think you should always be in front of me in everything. If you were with someone great, you’d be happy for me.”

  The room was filled with tense silence and Emma watched Layla as she stared at the floor.

  “I don’t know, Em. Maybe,” she said quietly.

  “I idolized you growing up, Layla.” Emma wiped away her tears quickly. “You were everything I wished I could be. No one was more shocked than I was that Cole Marlowe fell in love with me instead of you.”

  “Why?” Layla asked sadly. “You’re perfect, Em. I’m not surprised at all. I saw him looking at you at the Labor Day party. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”

  The edge in her sister’s tone made Emma’s anger flare again.

  “But why does that make you mad, Layla? Why should you get all the attention all the time?”

  “Because you’ll leave me behind!” Layla yelled. Her tone was raw and tears welled in her big brown eyes. “You’ll get married and have all kinds of great adventures with someone and I’ll be alone! Pretending I love my life when I don’t!”

  The air left Emma’s lungs as the silence stretched. Layla furiously wiped the tears from her face, looking nothing like the snarky, confident woman Emma was so used to.

  “Oh, Layla,” she said softly. “You just don’t let anyone past your façade. If you did, you’d have everything you’ve ever wanted. My sister can be warm and vulnerable. She cares more than she lets on. She’s the most loyal person I’ve ever known. Why am I the only one who gets to see that?”

  Layla sniffed, looking embarrassed.

  “I am happy for you, Em. I’ve been a real ass. And I’ll be okay. I can always just get a bunch of cats or something.”

  “You put so much pressure on yourself,” Emma said. “You’re only 26, Layla. You’ve been focused on law school. Give yourself a break on the rest.”

  “Yeah.” Layla turned toward their parents sheepishly. “I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean to ruin Christmas Eve.”

  “Honey, you didn’t ruin anything,” their Mom said, reaching for Layla with a hug. “Sometimes you just need to get it all out. I think you both feel better now.”

  Emma glanced at her father’s ashen expression with a flicker of amusement. He’d apparently been shocked by his daughters’ cage-match style discussion about who they’d fucked and who was a slutty bitch. Their parents had never used that kind of language when they were growing up.

  “I’ll get out some snacks,” their Mom said. Emma knew she was trying to clear the tension with her hostess skills.

  A smile played on Layla’s lips, making Emma burst out laughing. They reached for each other at the same time, and Emma squeezed her eyes shut. The tightness in Layla’s body relaxed cathartically.

  “Your necklace is beautiful,” Layla said in Emma’s ear in a low tone. Emma’s fingers flew to the white gold owl pendant Cole had left in a small box on her pillow that morning. Its eyes sparkled with diamonds, and its body was made of black onyx. It was a gift she’d wished she could share with someone, and Layla’s mention of it warmed her.

  “Thanks,” Emma said softly.

  “I want to hear all about it sometime,” Layla said. “Everything. I want to be there for you on this, Em. Not today. But soon, I promise.”

  Emma grinned, feeling lighter as the dark cloud hanging over her drifted away.

  *****

  Each piece of her art Emma gently wrapped and packed into the open cardboard box had special meaning. The drawing that won her the Emerging Artist award in high school. The first painting that Mr. Roselle, one of her instructors in Paris, hadn’t been disgusted with. A bowl she had sculpted with her eyes closed, to connect with what her hands could do completely on their own. When she came to the painting inspired by her first kiss with Cole, she smiled.

  It had been just over four months since she’d run into him at the coffee shop, and she couldn’t remember life without him anymore. Soon they’d be living together, which was still surreal to Emma. The lease she hadn’t renewed on her apartment ended in six days, giving her less than a week to get everything packed and moved.

  Packing on Christmas evening normally wouldn’t have sounded fun, but she could hardly contain herself knowing she was preparing to move in with Cole. It would have been fun to have Layla’s help, but Emma knew the subject was still sore. She’d told her family during Christmas dinner earlier that she was moving in with Cole, and a flicker of something crossed Layla’s face, though she hadn’t said anything. Emma hoped things would get better with time.

  She turned to the front door as it opened, smiling as Cole walked through and tossed his coat on a chair.

  “Hey,” she said, getting up from the floor to greet him. His face was drawn and serious.

  “I’m so glad to see you,” he said, sighing deeply as he walked closer and reached his arms around her. He held on tight, pressing his face against her hair.

  “You okay?” she asked softly.

  “Yeah,” he said, leaning back to look at her face while keeping his hands on her hips. “I’m really glad you made me go.”

  “I didn’t make you,” Emma said, laughing lightly.

  “You did. I can’t refuse you anything, and you wanted me to go.”

  “It went well, then?” she asked, reaching up to his cheek.

  “I think so. Shay knows I care about her, and that’s … good, you know? It made my Mom really happy, too. She’s also crazy happy about us, by the way. My parents want to help with the move this weekend.”

  “That’s nice of them. So how is Shay?”

  Cole’s face grew serious as he considered.

  “She’s okay,” he said. “A lot more stable than she was the last time I saw her. The place she’s at seems good. But it hit me really hard that she’s never gonna have a normal life. It’s shallow of me to resent someone who didn’t have a choice about any of this. If she had, I know she’d have chosen to be happy, go to college, fall in love … all the things I’ve done that she never will. She’s 31, Em. We’re not kids anymore. I just never thought of her in all this, and I feel like an asshole.”

  “You’re not, Cole. Give yourself a break and move forward,” Emma said.

  “Yeah,” he said, pulling her closer. “I’m working on it. I told Shay I’ll come back next month and bring you with me.”

  “I’d love to go see her,” Emma said. “Did she like the iPod and the scarf we got her?”

  “She loved it. You should have seen her when she tried out the iPod. I think it was the best gift I’ve ever given anyone.”

  “Thank you for the necklace,” she said, running her fingertips over the pendant. “It’s beautiful. I have something for you, too.”

  “You didn’t have to get me anything, Em.”

  “Just open it,” she said, handing him a cylindrical package with a red bow. She was nervous as he pulled the end off and took the paper out, unrolling it slowly. His eyes sparkled as he studied it, and Emma held her breath with anticipation.

  “This is … I don’t even know what to say,” he said. “It’s incredible. I love it.”

  Though she knew it by heart, Emma looked at the drawing she’d done of Cole. He stood on an open football field, holding his helmet by his waist. His carefree smile had been hard to capture, but she’d finally gotten it. He was young and beautiful, with the world in front of him. His blue eyes gleamed and chin-length pieces of blond hair looked like they were being blown by a light breeze.

  “How did you do this?” he asked. “Did you use a picture? I don’t know of any picture of me like this.”

  “It came from memory. This is the way you looked in my mind and my heart before we ran into each other that day,�
�� she said. “Perfect. Now I know you’re not perfect, but I love you more for it. I just wanted to get this image out of my mind and kind of say goodbye to it, you know? It seems like a good way to start out the next chapter.”

  Cole rolled the drawing back up and sat it on a nearby table, turning to Emma with a tender look.

  “You bring light into my life,” he said. “I can’t believe the most beautiful, smart, compassionate girl in the world lived across the street from me when I was younger and I was too blind to see it. I’m sorry.”

  “Cole, you don’t--”

  “I know,” he said, cutting her off. “But I’m sorry. For every time you wanted me to see you and I didn’t. Maybe I’m not apologizing to the woman standing in front of me today, but to the girl I disappointed. I’ll never disappoint you again, Em, I promise.”

  Emma smiled, breaking away from his intense, gray-blue gaze. When he tipped her chin up to kiss her, his warmth and scent and closeness made her long for more of him. But she had work to do, so she pulled back and looked at the stack of boxes.

  “Do you feel like helping me pack?” she asked.

  “No,” he said, his lips moving down her neck. “I feel like taking you to bed.”

  “That sounds better than packing,” she said, her head falling back as he kissed her chest. “But there’s still so much to do …”

  “We can pack later.” He stopped suddenly, looking up at her. “Hey, how’d it go with your family?”

  “Oh, it was okay,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Just some minor cat fighting that my Dad had to break up.”

  “What? I can’t believe I missed that,” he said, grinning.

  “You’re such a caveman,” Emma said, smacking him lightly on the arm. Cole bent quickly and wrapped his arms around her thighs, standing and throwing her body over his shoulder. Emma squealed as he carried her toward the bed.

  “I’ll show you a caveman, baby,” he said, tossing her lightly on the bed. As he pulled his shirt over his head and climbed onto the bed, Emma’s desire rose quickly. Cole’s face turned serious as he hovered over her, looking into her eyes.